Bothering God...

Jonathan and I received a call from our home study agent a few weeks ago and she had some bad news. The lady who has been trying to make our adoption possible on the Ukraine end went before the SDA with a letter from a judge recommending us as adoptive parents for Oksana and Vitya. She says she was 80% sure that she was leaving with an "okay", but instead she was told that "the law is the law" and that Jono and I will under no circumstances receive a referral to adopt our sweet kids. It's taken a while to process because this unfortunate news came right on the heels of Memaw's death...which officially made the month of February the absolute WORST in both of our lives. We have really felt all along that this was something that God was leading us to do and that the obstacles were just there to bring more glory to Him in the end. And that is definitely still possible. However we are being told by all involved that this is a brick wall. There are no more options.

Every day at noon I, along with my 2 girls, pray for Oksana and Vitya. Daily, God hears: "God, please let Oksana and Vitya come be a part of our family." I am so ok with being like the persistent widow that Luke talks about in chapter 18 who wore the judge out by asking for justice over and over again. Eventually even that unjust judge gave in. Jesus said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?"
I want to have faith in a known, seen outcome. But I know that that is not faith at all. So, in the words of Mother Theresa "I'll pray for trust...not clarity." There has never been a time in my life that has felt so "hands off" to me. Everything has always been fixable. There's always been someone I could call or something I could do...and now there's not. I have to find peace in knowing that God has the power to do what He wants and that He ultimately wants what will most glorify Him. I definitely don't doubt that. I just wonder, as C.S. Lewis did when his wife had cancer, how painful Him glorifying Himself will be to us.
And in the meantime, I'm gonna bother God like crazy.